Alrighty....I've just been elected to the highest office in the land and I'm formulating my agenda.

The English Language shall be the official language of the country. You want to live here and be a citizen...speak the language. Worked in my grandfathers day, it'll work now. That was simple.

The Welfare System. I'm all for helping my fellow man, woman, person, whatever. But the time of sponging everything you can off the public trough is over. No more working the system. Not on my watch or my dollar. The other day I was at the grocery store. There was a mother there with 4 children. I dont know if they were hers or what, but they were together. Kiddies with those annyoying skate shoes wizzing all over, touching everything, whining, wrestling...you know what I mean, you've been there. The adult female on the phone gabbing about her date last night and "yes ma'am I got in his pants" and grabbing whatever off the shelves, oblivious to the fact that her spawn are even IN the store, much less wreaking havoc. She gets to the check-out....whips out her WIC card and her food stamps card and proceeds to leave the store with the gang of 4. Out in the parking lot, she loads her stuff...kids included, into a BRAND NEW CADILLAC ESCALADE!!!!! Ok....how does this happen? I'm paying for the groceries and she's got an $80,000 vehicle???? I dont think so..

From here on in, Welfare is no longer a job handed down to child, from parent from grandparent. The free lunch is over. There's new eligibility requirements to receive public assistance.

• Item First: Education. Every child covered under a WIC card shall be enrolled in school. Attendance is mandatory. Benefits are pro-rated to actual attendance dates. How do we keep track of that? you ask. Simple...swipe the WIC card to get in and out the door of the school.
• Item Second: Community Service for all WIC dependants ages 13 to 16. After school, go volunteer for something. Latch-key kid programs, washing the windows of the old lady down the street. Picking up trash. Something. ANYTHING!!! After age 16, volunteering can be eliminated if you've got a part time job. Flipping burgers, sweeping floors, delivering papers...whatever. This is where Corporate America comes in.
• Item Third: Public Assistance checks will be issued on the second and fourth friday of each month. You will be required to fill out a questionaire thats written in ENGLISH with answers written in ENGLISH. Not hard questions, not right or wrong questions, mind you, and not the same question each time...just to keep you honest. Anyone can memorize a question and answer..so, no cheating. And you'll have to pee in a cup. Lots of people with jobs have to wizz to work, so why not you too. Pass the drug test and we're good for another 2 weeks. Oh, and you need to be a citizen, born and bred, naturalized, whatever.
• Item Fourth: There will be a time limitation on benefits. If you can't lift yourself by the bootstraps in, say, 3 or 4 years, you ain't trying hard enough. I hear the mountains of Mexico are nice...go live there. The military could use some help too....enlist if you don't like the mountain views.

Corporate America has been feeding out of the public trough a little too much too. All those tax breaks and incentives you get and then you outsource your work to some third world nation. Uh nuh...no more. There's a bunch of people up there in the last category who'd like a job. I mean, all those requirements for assistance are a lot of work! I'm sure you've got something easier for them to do. They can be trained. The Unions can train them. They'll watch out for them to...make sure everything is fair. And you Union Guys over there...you'll not be gouging Corporate America anymore. Fair Pay for a Fair Workplace.

Health Care Insurance will be paid for by both Corporate America and Worker. Everyone chucks a few bucks in for Health Care Coverage. Your coverage being dependent on how much you put in. Better job, better insurance. Want better insurance...work a little harder and get a better job. And since Corporate America's outsourcing is about to stop, there will be a few more jobs around here. And Insurance Companies will NOT be the final say in what treatment a patient can or cannot have. Insurance Companies will NOT tell you what doctor you can or cannot see. Insurance Companies are there to assist in the payment of the medical bill. Insurance Companies can also be included up there in Corporate America. Insurance and Pharmaceutcal Companies are right there at the top of my list of things ruining this country.

International Relations Starting today, all that aid we're sending your way is no longer being delivered. And those lopsided trade agreements??? They accidentally went thru the shredder. You'll pay the same duty/tax on the stuff you send over here, that we pay for our stuff to come to you. Our military, for the most part, is coming home. We've got some work to do over here. Oh, we'll leave a bit of a contingent scattered around, but thats just security work. Our security, not yours. There's some nasty gang bangers we could be working on,and our borders could use a little shoring up. Like the Welfare Requirements outlined above, there will be some work needed to pick our pockets. Get in line and have your written applications for aid filled out in triplicate. We'll get to them as soon as we're done taking care of our people here. Got a nasty natural disaster on your hands? We'll be there, but we're not staying long. We'll help you get back on your feet, and we're outties.

I'm sure I'll think of more stuff, but I just wanted to get the big ticket items in order first.