I just dont understand. Seemingly normal people gather for a celebration of some sort at a nice place and turn into friggin manner-less morons.
Why, yes...even tho this is the buffet table, we really love it when you move stuff around in order to position your glasses and beer bottles and purses and the occasional ass. Clearly, the flaming sterno and steam coming from the chafing dishes shouldnt interfere in your comfort.
Why, yes...we love it when you bring your attention deficit, over sugared, smart ass little children to what is clearly an adult affair. You just get comfy at the bar or your table with your beverage and gossip about this and that while the spawn run rampant and unsupervised.
By all means...please extinguish your cigarette on the patio, or the well manicured lawn, or just throw them into the bushes. Those ashtrays we have positioned around are just for decoration.
And don't forget...when the dessert is served, make sure you're first in line to pile up as much stuff as you can. Dont worry about those people at the end of the line...they dont really need anything sweet. They're just standing there to see how much you can put on your plate. We'll dispose of all the leftover sweets you leave on the table when you roll your lard ass out of the joint.
Can you tell we had a nerve wracking party today? This little red headed monster wasn't in the place 10 minutes and she caused over $150 worth of damage. She broke a statue, tipped over a small marble topped table, nearly knocked out the lattice while trying to climb the gazebo, and broke a plant. I blame the parents. "oh, Skyler, say you're sorry....tell the man, you're sorry for breaking his statue"...and she stands there with her finger in her mouth not saying a word. 5 minutes later, mommy is back with a drink in her hand and the little red wrecking machine is tearing up the place again. I mean, c'mon...offer to pay for the thing!!! Show some class!! Show some balls and teach your kid some manners. Better, yet...leave them home. And no...perhaps we shouldn't "move this stuff so the kids don't ruin it" Do you believe that?? Someone actually said that to me today as I was picking up the aforementioned marble topped table that little Jason ran into for the third time.
"Maybe you should move this stuff so the kids don't get at it".
To which I replied, "Perhaps the kids should be watched"
"We are watching them" he says
"Humpf....Tell that to the statue with the broken arm over there" What an asshole. Move the stuff my Aunt Fanny! Do us a favor and dont reproduce anymore, k?