Monday, April 07, 2008

You Know Its Spring When....

.....the turkeys come home.

What??? Turkeys??? What the hell am I talking about???

I was driving down Clinton St. when I saw them...A ginormous flock of turkeys. Wont be long before they're on my porch, or flying in the general direction of my windshield.

True story......couple years ago I'm driving down Southwestern Blvd..actually Transit Rd. where it turns into SWB...and I have this Arthur "As Got as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly" Carlson moment when this big huge black turkey comes lowflying right at me. missed my windshield by this much!!! And I was in Big Red....lots of window space on that old van. And you know what I'm thinking as I'm watching this bigass bird lumber its way thru the air in slo-mo towards me??? I'm thinking of Les Nessman It's a helicopter, and it's coming this way. It's flying something behind it, I can't quite make it out, it's a large banner and it says, uh - Happy... Thaaaaanksss... giving! ... From ... W ... K ... R... P!! No parachutes yet. Can't be skydivers... I can't tell just yet what they are, but - Oh my God, Johnny, they're turkeys!! Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, the humanity! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenberg tragedy has there been anything like this!"

Seriously..I'm not thinking about the two lanes of traffic coming at me or anything...I'm thinking of Les and Arthur...sheesh!!!

Fast forward a year later and to my front porch....Offspring #2 is minding her own business coming into the house via the front door, and all of a sudden she starts screaming and runs around and into the house thru the garage. "Whats with you? I ask and she starts babbling about a turkey on the porch. So I open the front door and sure enough..theres a friggin turkey!!! And its PEEING on my porch. I open the door and scare him off the porch and chase him half way down the street. Now, I understand that turkeys arent the smartest creatures on God's green earth, which would explain why....a few days later...this damned thing is on my porch again. Perhaps it was the same one...perhaps another who picked up the turkey pee scent...I dunno.

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